sad and tired
Right now my spirit feels broken from fighting the side effects of ENS, mainly not sleeping through the night, not being able to fall asleep normally - even after half an hour of irrigating, oils, medicines, and whatever other hullaballoo I go through, and all I have been through. It is affecting my whole life, and now I feel guilty for all I am not doing - not having the energy and time for more than just what I have to get done everyday. I feel like my friends are annoyed with me, and I am letting everyone down by not having time or energy. Plus, I have not had energy to exercise so I gained weight and now half my clothes seem to not fit, which makes me more depressed. All that time and money, down the drain. I try to make an effort, but it never seems enough for anyone, or even for me - I just always feel guilty. I have no idea when I will have time or the state of mind to help with the ideas for ENS that I was thinking. It seems impossible anyway for me, because none of my connections have come through, and I don't know any influential doctors or influential people. I want to have the time and effort, but I don't seem to even have the time and effort for myself. Now I just feel guilty all the time about everything, even this, because I have not done my video yet, I have not written letters to media, nothing yet. I have not even slept much at all in weeks because I wake up to go to the bathroom and can't go back to sleep without doing my whole nose procedure over again. I feel like I am falling apart and letting everyone down, myself included. I have so much I have to get done everyday, and in my personal life, and it is all falling behind more and more. Now I feel guilty about the ENS site, too. I don't know what to do anymore except hate myself for being such a failure.

I have so much responsibility at home and I put so much pressure on myself, because my fiance works so hard and so late, more than I do. So I try to show my gratitude by doing everything else, but lately I cannot, and I am so behind on things in my own work and life from being too tired to deal.

go see houser

Erika, You need to take care of yourself and deal with the depression before you can do anything for anyone else, including this site or videos. Please don't feel guilty about our site or the videos and don't worry about them right now, because you are the most important person and need to get on your own feet, get some decent sleep, and take care of yourself. Period. Everything else is secondary, including the videos and ENS awareness. You are not guilty at all. These latter things should be the last things on your mind when you are having so much trouble with sleep and your health. And you probably need to heal on some level emotionally before you can find more healing physically. Maybe work on slowly introducing a fitness routine, getting better eating habits, and counting what you do have in your life (a fiance), and recognize this does get better. You may always have some symptoms and may never be cured, but you can get improvement. Please take care of yourself first and don't worry about anything else. I am wishing you all the best and I will say some prayers for you shortly.